Log in

09 June 2005 @ 04:12 am
I want to runaway as long as you are by my side.  
So I realize this is how my life works..

Stuff happens I look for others to make my decisons.. I am not forced to make my own.  After a long talk with Jake.. I realize I don't make my own decisions.. I need to do that reguarding my own life.  Who is gonna live my life but me?  I swear if i could I would have my mom pick out my clothes.. I am still a child.  I have never been forced to make my own decisions when it comes to the big things.   I need to be forced into life.. how else will I learn?  Also I need to learn that I am worthy of some good things.. I mean.. I am so paranoid about this whole John thing.  Like if he doesnt call one day I freak and think he has lost interest in me, but I need to learn to relax.  Runaway from my responsibilities too.. I seem to be like my father in that respect.  I just don't want to deal with being an adult.  I don't think I was raised to be an adult.  Just a child.  DO what I am told.. and everything is ok.  I want to be a intellectual independant.  I rely on everyone too much.  I turn suggestions into my decisions because someone said it would be good for me.  I never grew out of my nice groove that is the age of 16.  I rebel like a 16 year old.  Why do I do such things.  I am 21.  I am no longer a child.  Personal conflict sucks.  Part of me wants to avoid this and run and watch Buffy or Sailor Moon, but the small 4% of me that is mature.. wants me to face the shit out of this.  Grow up, and live life. Buckle down.  Stay in and read a book.  Maybe take a year off school to pay bills and get into the real world.  Maybe it would be good for me.  not this semster though.. maybe in spring ill take a break.  My mentality is too much at risk.  I can't run to Mommy as much as I want.  She shouldn't let me.  (immature self begs mommy not to listen to that)  Seriously.. I laugh because I am miserable with the thought of being an adult I don't wanna grow up.  How many of you know this without even asking or talking about it.  Maybe I'll put some stuff up on ebay.  Because I need to grow up.  I can't be this little kid anymore.. Thanks Jake.. It took an overly mature 17 year old to tell me I am being childish and I need to be independant, when all along I have had friends my own age tell me and I don't listen.  I can't tell you how many times Matty has told me to make my own decisions and I never do.  I honestly don't know if anyone is reading this. But if you are.. leave some notes of encouragement or something.. I love you all.. But next time i ask what I should do.. just say you don't know. (unless you know ill make a dumb decision

 Thanks and have a nice night.

could be worse.. I could be... : uncomfortableuncomfortable
I am torturing my ears with: Groove Coverage - Runaway
......pyroska1 on June 9th, 2005 06:01 am (UTC)
j00 rawk

"I have too many legs!"
sylvansa on June 9th, 2005 08:17 am (UTC)
I think that is very good of you, but just remember that growing up and being more responsible does not mean you have to give up who you are. It takes a balancing act, but making decisions on your own is a start, just remember too that once you make decisions on your own that you know are right for you, everyone might jump at you and bitch if they don't like your decision. Just let it roll off your back.
contrabasschic7 on June 9th, 2005 10:29 am (UTC)
just never lose that innerchild.... if you lose that innocence, you become old and cynical... like... i dunno, my brother? grow up... just not too much to fast; take it one day at a time. *shrug* and if that advice doesn't make sense.... sorry, my mind is... strange to say the least
Adriangundamheavyarms on June 9th, 2005 04:54 pm (UTC)
You could stand for some maturity, but definately dont' disregard your interests. You can be an effective member of society and still have time for Sailor Moon.
You can make your own decisions, but I definately woulnd't stop listening to me... :p
helperlostnymph on June 9th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
hey u
adam you are a great person and i know that there is alot more maturity in you than you realize you just need to find balance. there is nothing wrong with being young at heart which u so totally are its one of ur endearing qualities. i'm not exactly the most mature person in the world it takes everyone time to find it dont rush it if its gonna make things worse it will happen someday atleast u are aware of what needs to be done. love yah lots hun have fun at pride sorry i couldnt go again.